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Manners |
27th October 2005, 12:15 |
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I’m usually quite a friendly person and pride myself in the fact that I think I am approachable and decent to people in all situations. I greet everyone with a smile no matter who they are or where they fit in on the “social scale”. I believe that your approach to manners shouldn’t have to bend depending according to who you are addressing.
I do however have one shortfall in this theory: beggars…. Its not that I am rude in this case, its just that my approach differs. If you don’t live in South Africa, or Johannesburg specifically, you probably wouldn’t understand the reason for this, but let me try to explain very briefly.
It takes me – on a good day – at least 45 minutes to drive to work. I stop at 21 traffic lights on the way (Yes, I have counted them…). 15 of these lights have “permanent beggars” stationed there. Most of the time its not just one person that comes up to your window trying to sell you hangars, Beanies (during summer), black bags, or other items you just don’t need, there are usually at least 3 people doing this. Then you have the really sad weather beaten guy standing on the side holding a placard describing how he has a family to feed and no job, and obviously every respectable intersection has the lady collecting your rubbish for spare change.
Now, I don’t have any issue with these people as long as they don’t try to force their goods or anything on me. Like the guy who just started washing my windscreen without me asking or the fruit guy who thrust a bag of oranges into my car without me even seeing he was there. This annoys me! Besides the fact that they encroach on your personal space, South Africa has a big problem with Hijackings. Most of these take place at these intersections where Hijackers pose as beggars. This makes me nervous – especially when you see a guy running up to your car throwing water on your windscreen*.
So needless to say, despite my desperate need to buy hangars every morning, I tend to – as politely as possible, ignore the army of people I pass every morning. When they start to ask me how many black bags I require today I usually respond with a Polite “no thanks”, smile and proceed to ignore them. I don’t believe this is terribly rude, but the safest approach as any other response is usually taken as an invitation to start haggling over prices.
So this morning I was very shocked when a woman passing my car said something to the effect of “Hello Madam – please can you buy a….” wherein I replied with my standard response: “No thanks” - queue smile, turn and check if the lights have changed yet.
Well, she obviously didn’t like this approach and leapt into a loud outburst screaming “I said Good morning! – you so bl00dy rude!” My g0d I was shocked at her response!
I caught a glimpse of the guy behind me in my rear-view mirror and he was in hysterics. The unexpected outburst was too much! (He made sure he said “hello” very loud when she came around later – I actually heard him from my car).
Anyway, so from now on, I will make sure that I am extremely friendly to all of them in case I offend them. I wouldn’t like to be seen as rude, without manners or imposing on their personal space. I mean – where would I buy hangars and who would clean our intersections if they weren’t there anymore?
*PS - I looked like such an idiot when the guy was throwing water at my windscreen. Me thinking this was some sort of Hijack attempt, I ducked! You had to be there to understand how stupid I looked... ;-)
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Hello - Do you understand me? |
20th October 2005, 09:37 |
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So I was told today that I’m not the same person as I was a year ago – that I’m so uptight!
Huh! ;-)
I was actually quite shocked when I heard it, but it has sunk in now and I realize that I could be!
D@mn – how did that happen?
My fuse has definitely gotten a little shorter – I admit. I don’t know why. Maybe its because the person who said this to me doesn’t realize that they could be part of the reason. But I don’t do it intentionally. I say things without thinking. And sometimes even though I mean for something to sound funny, it gets taken the wrong way!
And here is where it all goes pear-shaped. I’m completely misunderstood! And I don’t think just recently – but always. People always take what I say in the wrong context. I always have to explain myself. Do I talk in riddles? Do I need to take English lessons? Would I fail as an interpreter? :-)
But seriously, I wonder how I could change things so that people would always just “get me”.
P.S.
Maybe it would be easier if the whole world converted to talking in some programming language, bits and bytes, numbers – black and white – no in-between!
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Commitment |
7th October 2005, 08:13 |
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So I have recently had enough spare time to spend thinking about my life in general, my future and all of those things people are supposed to do when they are "finding themselves". I've had quite a few "
light bulb" moments in this time. Actually - not really any significant epiphanies, just a gradual realisation about my life and state of mind really.
And one of the biggest realisations I've admitted to is that I'm not very good in relationships. Well, I'd like to think I am, but every significant relationship I've ever been in, the word -commitment- seems to be a general issue. It’s not that I have any issue with commitment – the opposite actually. I dive right in, head first and entrust myself entirely to the relationship. And herein lies the problem. I give everything and never get anything back. I take the plunge and get left with nothing. And after exposing yourself completely to the other person you find that they are not on the same level, never intend on opening up or even making an effort. And after spending months/years with these people, who were totally afraid of committing to me, they all seem to move on so fast. They find another person and immediately commit entirely to them. Nice!
So this problem is obviously recurring for a reason. I’m obviously not the type of girl that guys think is worth the commitment, or needs the commitment. Someone who’ll take what she can get and be happy with it. Um, No!
Now after thinking about this for some time I’ve made myself a deal. In all my relationships from now on I will consciously decide not to do any of the “nice” things I always did. I’ll forget birthdays, make the other party change their plans and do all the “not interested” things that I want. When I start seeing a sign of commitment from their side I might let down a little, but I’m still going to be a cold hearted b11ch every now and then = just to set them straight! ;-)
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How things change |
27th September 2005, 09:28 |
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Isn't it strange how things change? I'm not talking about the fact that its already spring, there's a gorgeous new baby in this world or that a massive hurricane has swept through New Orleans obliterating everything in sight. I'm talking about the subtle changes around us.
I'm talking about the fact that I had drinks with my ex yesterday - and didn't have one feeling of regret, anger or disappointment. Ok, I'm still angry about a few things, but the evening went off really well. In fact, I was actually really happy for him when he told me how he's going to propose to his new girlfriend and what he's planning for the wedding! Sheesh - its like a switch has gone off somewhere in my head! I can honestly say that I don't have any bad feelings about us at all and we can actually chat and get along like normal people.
What I want to know is how the h3ll did I get this right? I need to be able to bottle this formula for the rest of my life! Or maybe its just that time heals? I'll wait and see then ;-)
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Honesty |
26th September 2005, 16:05 |
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Why is honesty such a dirty word? Maybe its because we've all been exposed to the dark side of this fact of life. I've had the misfortune many times and now I have a problem beleiving people when they tell me things. I think that makes it even harder for people to be honest with me. I wonder if I can trust anyone again?
SKUNK ANANSIE
"Cheap Honesty"
I know too well
I know these lines
I've seen them smothered
In sleek ridicule
A seedy smile
They think they've scored
But i know morning comes
And babes
Alone again, too alone again
So what can do
With cheap honesty
You're giving me more than i can see
But i'm too cool to say
That i want it all my way
Get blasted by this sincerity
I wish i had
The streets full view
These people screaming
Through their settled loves
So I pretend
So mellowed out
Too teasing
Weak enough to long for
Home again, loverly home again
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This is me |
22nd September 2005, 11:58 |
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Well - I think I might have told a few people this before, but the last 12 months have been absolute h3ll for me.
I broke up from an 8 year relationship, had numerous treatments for cancer, struggled for months with finance issues, battled various significant personal issues that suddenly cropped up in my life again and then the usual day to day rubbish at the office. Not to mention loneliness, rejection and a death in the family!
But I've just come to realise that after all of this, I've actually come out alright! No matter how down I felt most of the time I always had a smile on my face. Don't ask me how I did it, but apparently I did. I kept my personal hell to myself and worked through it. Not a soul knew what I was going through.
And now, looking back, all I can say is thank goodness its all over! I'm having a fantastic time.
I'm single - and I'm loving it
My latest cancer test results came back negative!
My finances are looking up! ;-)
My personal issues are a thing of the past
Life in general is great!
I’m not sitting back and waiting for life any more – I’m living it!
And that’s enough happy stuff for one day!
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Huh? |
8th September 2005, 10:59 |
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OK - so this blog is for me to write about all my rubbish... Sounds boring - I know - But the stuff that goes through my head is not particularily normal at the best of times - so maybe it will be good for a laugh at least!
Have fun! |
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